What Not To Put On Your Resume

Here are ten things people should not have put on their resume:

A job candidate...

1. attached a letter from her mother.
2. used pale blue paper with teddy bears printed around the border.
3. explained a three-month gap in employment by saying that he was getting over the death of his cat.
4. specified that his availability to work Fridays, Saturdays, or Sundays is limited because the weekends are "drinking time."
5. included a picture of herself in a cheerleading uniform.
6. drew a picture of a car on the outside of the envelope and said the car would be a gift to the hiring manager.
7. listed hobbies that included sitting on a levee at night watching alligators.
8. mentioned the fact that her sister had once won a strawberry-eating contest.
9. stated that he works well in the nude.
10. explained an arrest record by stating, "We stole a pig, but it was a really small pig."

So... why would someone steal a pig?